On Mustaches

I have recently signed up for the 826 Boston Moustache-a-thon.  This is a six-week challenge to grow a mustache, with weekly weigh-ins all for charity.

There are, of course, two acceptable spellings for this lip hair: moustache, and mustache (though not according to my spell check).  I will be using both in this post.  Those who are looking for a little consistency in the spelling can suck it.

Starting next week I will be posting the link where I can be sponsored for this glorious attempt.  I got the official blessing of the wife, and registered my upper lip before she could change her mind about it.

I found (stole) the following chart online to assist me in selecting the exact style to go with.  Please let me know if you have a favorite.

Since pledging to do this, I have come across a multitude of mustache-related wonderment that I now need to share.

• The America Mustache Institute - Protecting the right of, and fighting discrimination against mustached Americans...
• Wikipedia link to Moustache - (yes, American's bastardized the spelling and took the 'o' out)
• Women With Mustaches
• Recent NYTimes article on the comeback of the mustache
• A list of top 10 mustaches
• Mustaches -vs- Cancer
• Fake Mustaches
• Wedding Mustaches

 I urge you to donate to 826 Boston, if not through my stellar lip hair, then directly through their site.

As the weeks go by, expect regular updates, including pictures.  Below is an example of the last time I grew a mustache.  It's creepy, I know.  I call this Midnight Produce Manager.  Enjoy.

South Boston Hunting Season

Each winter when the snow flies, residents of South Boston must move their cars to make way for the tradition of the parking space hunt and faking out passerby cars, all of them eagerly searching for parking within a one mile radius of home.  Thus begins the most hated of seasons - South Boston Hunting Season.

For those residents of South Boston not blessed with a parking spot of their very own, snow storms can be a time when hibernation is contemplated merely so the car does not have to be moved.  Picture folks roaming the shopping aisles with carts of pizza rolls and toilet paper, dragging their bags back home on sleds to avoid parking.

This past weekend as we rang in the new year, a storm came through, slow and steady, and dropped a moderate amount of snow on the city.  As a general rule, the City of Boston (headed by 5th-term Mumbles) allows space 'saving' for up to 48 hours after a storm.  I was unable to locate a more thorough explanation on CityofBoston.gov, but trust me - if you live in a neighborhood that utilizes this system, you will know.  There are always stories told about Person A taking Person B's 'saved' parking spot and having their tires slashed.  The truth, it turns out, can be much more fun.

So as you travel around in endless circles, wearing your tires bald around the block in hopes of finding that elusive legal parking spot, remember that you are a hunter.  As a hunter, you need to know your prey.  Though it may seem tempting, it is a waste of valuable energy to swear repeatedly at fire hydrants, crosswalks and driveways.  They are just decoys, meant to draw you in and keep you on the move.  They were there before the snow came and they will be there after it is all gone.

There are several classifications of parking spot camouflage.  Below are just a few in a list of endless examples.

Trash Can Camo

A normal parking spot can be quickly transformed with the central placement of a trashcan, either opening up or down.

Advantage:  City sanitation won't throw out an actual trash can.

Disadvantage:  Passerby just found a place for that bag of dog shit they're been carrying for two blocks.

Kitchen Camo

With the simple addition of a wooden chair, this parking spot is disguised as a kitchen.  A very, very, sad kitchen.

Advantage: Can also be used as a stool.

Disadvantage: Possibility of random hobos sitting in your space.

Storage Camo

Gives the immediate impression of actually being a tiny wheel-less car, then makes someone wonder if the car that goes into that spot may actually fit into the container.

Advantage: Functional and reusable.

Disadvantage: May also be filled with poop.

Patio Camo

This relaxing chair can be accompanied by several other chairs and a table to provide that card-game feel while still being functional in its space-saving ability.

Advantage: Lightweight and portable.

Disadvantage: Damn hobos.

Some old favorites:

The Beach: beach chair and cooler

Christmas Morning: full size tree, in stand (sans decorations)

The Remodel: two sawhorses with plywood/sheetrock covering the space

The Summer Vacation: tri-fold lawn chair and a full coil of hose on top

And the best of the year thus far: The King

Hit & Miss in the World of Self Publishing

My first attempt at self-publishing came during an alcohol and type-writer fueled haze. I was working a second shift job, getting home around midnight and having several hours in my tiny studio apartment alone.

That is to say, my first attempt at self-publishing had nothing to do with self-publishing. Once my novel of sorts, Making News, was complete (in my mind, at the time) I proceeded to receive rejection letters from nearly every major and minor publishing house in the US. And a few in Canada. And maybe one in the UK.

Then I learned about self-publishing. I was living in Monument Square in Portland, Maine at the time, and directly across the square was Longfellow Books, a kickass little store if there ever was one. I spend a lot of time flipping through the books, trying to figure out what made a book a book, how authors were able to hook into the publishing world.

I found a lot of shitty looking books by local authors (self-published books of poetry and woe-is-me fiction) and I thought to myself, "Self - you can do that. At least you can't be any worse than these folks."

And I wasn't. I wasn't any better - but I certainly wasn't any worse.

In retrospect, the book wasn't ready and I didn't care enough to promote it because I knew it wasn't ready, I just wanted to have something I could put on a book shelf and say, "I did that."

I have since learned quite a bit more about all sorts of publishing - online, magazine, on-demand, mini-press.

I see a lot of potential in this thing called self-publishing. With tools like Twitter, Facebook - fuck - the entire fucking Internet, there isn't a place an author can't get to. Working into the Book Expo or a large city book festival may take a little work, but the book wasn't written without any sweat, and it sure as hell isn't going to sell without any.

I'm waiting for IndieBound to create a self-published author section (the indie of the indie) but all in good time, I guess.

My most recent book project, Rubes, Rakes, Rogues & Roustabouts started out as some pictures I was going to hang on the wall. It became it's own beast, morphing into some humor and typography-driven thing. While I was writing it and putting it together, I kept a list of all the ways I would market the book.

That's how this was different - I didn't think of a publishing house touching this one. Besides the fact that it's too difficult to categorize, review, or get into a bookseller, I just wanted to do it myself.

I designed the whole things, scrapped half of it and redesigned it again. And I loved every minute of it. I used some crowd-sourcing for cover ideas and content.

The future of self-publishing is not the authors with a desire to do it themselves, the future is having the full plan before word one is written. Writing is such a solitary venture by necessity, but by getting the word out that you're working on something, people want to know more about it. Let them interact. Let them engage you while you're engaged in your writing.

What do you think about self publishing? Let Backward Books know here.

Boston Phoenix Gets It Done

I have been hopeful that the journalism for the Boston Phoenix (and Portland Phoenix by extension) would become steady and constant. With the front page article in the most recent issue (5/28/09) they get it done. Legalize Pot Now delves in to not only the most recent battles of the speed bumps decriminalization and legalization advocates have experienced.

While the story fell slightly short of the goal line in my opinion by not exploring the possibility that since Mexican drug traders make up to 75% of their profits from illegal marijuana sales, there may be some extra pressure being put on those in power to keep marijuana on the books. Extension perhaps more for a book on the subject (there are many and I'm sure many more to come) but it was the cutting edge of the article I craved.

Mike Miliard did a great job at getting to the heart of the story and gave good supposition for what to expect in the future.

Ahhh...tis Easter

Ahhh...tis Easter.

*

The other day a German woman, for reasons yet to be explained, jumped into a polar bear habitat at the Berlin Zoo during feeding time. She was, of course, mistaken for food and bitten until the staff hauled her out. Had they not been able to haul her out, the staff would have been forced to shoot the bears. It would seem easier to shoot the woman, no? The link above was selected primarily because there are no pictures. I've got a lot of dark thoughts, but I still don't want to see a bear try to eat a screaming woman - that's one toke over the line.

*

For those of you who are not familiar with 826 National, 826 Boston, or any of the other chapters, GET WITH THE PROGRAM. What 826 does for kids should be touted from every rooftop in every city. They provide after school tutoring, writing workshops, and most importantly a place where imagination is fostered and encouraged, as opposed to the majority of the schools these kids go to.

Got some extra cash laying around? Donate it. Spare computer parts? Office supplies? Stamps? Donate it. Each chapter has different needs, so check out their respective websites to see what is needed.

I just dashed off (read: copy/pasted) emails to each chapter and 826 National offering my services to help spread their good word through Twitter. Awaiting responses.

*

News rundown:

Medical Marijuana is gaining acceptance

Glenn Beck is insane....again

Fast and the Furious is sucking out movie executives brains

Project: Untitled

A sneak preview of my new book project.

These people have stories and I have an uneasy desire to tell them. The tales they tell me are not what necessarily happened, it is what they may have had a drunken wish to tell the stranger next to them halfway down the parade route.

One thing they do not have is a collective title. I have had several thoughts on the topic, but I want to hear yours. Throw your best concept at me, and anything else you've got while you're at it.

nick@nickseagers.com

Open Letter to Kallmann McKinnell & Knowles

Dear Kallmann McKinnell & Knowles,


For the first time in my life I have had the (dis)pleasure of entering Boston City Hall this morning. I have often driven by, curious if the bowels of your structure were as horrendous as the exterior. Many things have been said about the building since it was unvieled. Ugliest Building in the World. "What the hell is that?" Historic landmark.

I agree with the first two.


My reason for visiting City Hall was to secure a marriage license. Some said it would never happen, yet it shall. My lovely wife-to-be Carol joined me for the excursion. Upon entering the building I wondered how long I would be incarcerated. Dark concrete is the bones and the skin. Admittedly I only made it down to the Birth/Marriage/Parking portion of the building. I cannot speak for the seven floors I didn't visit. How can a building be so physically clean and dingy at the same time?

Your city structure makes me wonder about how things got to be this way. I wonder how you won the contest to build the damn thing in the first place. I wonder about the mental acuity of the judges of said contest. I wonder about Mayor Menino's plan to sell off the building and surrounding plaza (in the middle of f'n Government Center) and building a new City Hall in Southie (now suspended due to the kickass economy).

I have never built anything on par with what you have created. I am not attempting to drive your collective heads into the sand and tell you how children weep in fright when they look at what you've done. I am simply here to ask why.

As I've told a few friends who asked me about their new tattoos, "What made you think that was a good idea?"

Sincerely,

Nick Seagers